Have a Dream Life (Not Just a Dream Job)

Rowdy Magazine Submissions
Apr 3
5 min read

It’s time to stop chasing a title and start designing a lifestyle

By: Toni Marie Perilli

You've spent years working for that offer letter. You made countless sacrifices — prioritizing your courses, extracurriculars and passion projects just for the hope of potentially sitting down at a desk where your name is displayed right next to a company logo. Your first day is thrilling; you finally made it!

Your coworkers are friendly, your desk decorations are perfectly placed, you know where to find the free snacks and you can finally say that you’ve landed your dream job. You might say that you can’t believe it’s real, but deep down, your younger self manifested this moment so hard, for so long, that you couldn’t imagine anything else.

You didn’t realize that your dream job was actually just a job. And the dream? That was something else entirely.

Yes, you have the title and the job description you’ve always wanted. You’re at the company you’ve held every other opportunity up against in your head. And yes, your first days and weeks didn’t necessarily have anything wrong with them, but as time went on, you slowly realized that the life you were living wasn't your dream at all. The long hours in the office drained your energy and soul. The few hours when you weren’t physically in the office, you were still thinking about the confines of your desk. It’s been a while since your last friends’ night out. The stack of hobby materials in your apartment is collecting dust.

You have your (once) dream job, but you don’t really have anything else.

What the job description won’t tell you

If you’ve spent any length of time watching short-form social media content, you’ve probably seen enough stories of young adults quitting their corporate jobs to understand that “dream job gone wrong” scenarios are no longer a rarity. Sometimes, it stems from a disconnect between the classroom and the career; educational environments alone are rarely strong mirrors of the workforce. Other times, it comes from a cultural misalignment. While large companies seem highly aspirational, plenty of professionals thrive in smaller environments or different structures.

There is no “one-size-fits-all” when it comes to jobs. Students often focus on the job itself rather than the office dynamics that actually dictate their day-to-day. In contrast, most experienced professionals will share that the people and office dynamic make far more of an impact on their experience than the job itself.

Growing up in the arts, I’ve seen this life-altering realization far too often. The starving artist stereotype romanticizes total sacrifice but rarely mentions burnout or a lack of self-agency. Some of the most talented artists choose to pursue other career paths when they realize that the low pay, limited job stability and lack of lifestyle control overshadows their time onstage. This experience isn’t limited to creatives, however. College peers who dreamed of making an impact as teachers realized that they lost themselves in the bureaucracy of the education system, and those who envisioned themselves with a stable career in finance found themselves lacking fulfillment in a repetitive, strict workplace.

So, what do you do about it?

Your career is still a major part of your life: the average person spends at least 40 hours a week working. It may not be realistic to abandon the modern world for a quaint existence on a remote farm, and a “lazy girl job” is rarely as “lazy” as advertised. Still, it is entirely practical to outline what your dream life looks like and which jobs fit into your vision.

You’ll want to start with your non-negotiables, then pair that with your nice-to-haves. Then, you’ll need to break down which would apply for a particular job at any company, and what may vary from organization to organization. For example, one institution may have a “work-from-anywhere” policy, while another in the same industry could require office presence five days a week. Once you understand what you’re looking for and what you’re comparing your expectations against, you’ll have a fairly clear, self-made rubric.

Watching videos, reading articles and reaching out to working professionals for informational interviews (also known as coffee chats) are all great ways to gain a firsthand look at the lifestyles associated with different types of jobs. Internships are another great way to explore your options because you’ll actually get to live the day-in-the-life for a limited time.

At the end of the day, you’re looking for alignment between your goals and the job requirements. You may love writing, but not want the life of a journalist.

With this knowledge upfront, you can take time to explore similar career paths, such as grant writing, that might better align with your needs. Or, you may have dreamed of working for a particular company, but realized that you don’t want to live where it’s headquartered. You might spend most of your life working, but that only makes the hours outside the office matter more. No matter which path you choose to pursue, make sure you’re putting yourself before a title.

How to outline your actual dream job

Do I want to live in a particular city or region? Does this career path have opportunities there?
Do I want to travel for work? How much traveling does this kind of career require?
What kind of schedule do I want? Can this job be accommodated by those hours?
Would this job allow me to pursue outside opportunities, such as content creation or unrelated work?
Does the typical salary range and benefit package support the lifestyle I want to live?
What kind of management style allows me to do my best work? Does the culture around this kind of position value autonomy, or is it high-touch and hierarchical?
How often does this kind of career require me to be 'on call' or available after hours?
Am I joining a team where success is measured by the quality of my work or the time I spend sitting at my desk?
What does career progression look like? Am I expected to become a leader after a few years, or are there few pathways to leadership?
Am I working to live, or is this job living for me?

Your “dream job” rebrand

Realizing that your dream job may not be such a dream doesn’t mean you have to abandon your ambition. On the contrary, it’s the perfect time to lean more deeply into your passion and sense of fulfillment!

When you set professional goals that don’t require sacrificing personal joy, you’ll find a much more sustainable version of success. Your job is just one puzzle piece in your life, and once you consider all the pieces, you’ll find they fall into place a lot easier.

Toni Marie Perilli is pursuing a Master’s in Mass Communication at University of Florida, but her true expertise lies in iced tea concoctions and an ever-growing bag charm collection. A lover of all things theatre and parks (both themed and natural), and a self-proclaimed shopaholic, she documents her latest obsessions on her personal blog, @terrificallytoni.