Why is it that a girls’ bathroom…rocks?
The mystical space where girls can cleanse the body, mind and psyche unsupervised.
By: Mia Carrasco
A phone number on the wall. A hair tie on the ground. A misplaced and severely missed lip liner teetering on the edge of a sink. These are all items you might see when stepping into a girls’ public restroom. It might be grimy and unflatteringly lit, but something about it feels like home. But why is it that time stops in a bathroom? And why do they kind of rule?
They’re liminal spaces! A place where social structures, rules and identities fall away. We are stripped of our status, therefore no hierarchy. We are equal in this space. It all comes down to one thing when you are in there: you are a girl, therefore you are allowed in. Welcomed, even! It is a site of kinship. Relationships are fostered on the basis of an unspoken understanding. If you’re lucky, the liminal space includes the bathroom line, too.
A public restroom sees every stage of womanhood. Not just the obvious stuff like offering a tampon under the stall or all the shared trauma that comes with the menstrual cycle. The environment is a constant in our lives. We rely on it to provide safety, comfort and community in ways that fascinate me.
I realize that this might not ring true for everyone. You might even have some drunken flashes of quite the opposite (maybe there was someone holding your hair back, is that too optimistic?). But I bet you could name at least one memory in which another woman was the reason you left a restroom smiling. In the girls’ bathroom, walls come down, age is just a number and strangers quickly become people you’ll spill your heart out to. Eavesdropping is normalized and advice is given. Compliments fill the air and confidence is boosted.
“When the door is closed it feels like a third space that is separate from the night.”
You can enter having a boyfriend, and leave a single woman. It’s like Vegas: what happens in the girls’ bathroom, stays in the girls’ bathroom. Epiphanies are had and lives are put back on track. The Girls’ Bathroom witnesses many rites of passage. I can’t help but think of the opening line in “Jennifer’s Body”: “Hell is a teenage girl.”
I’d like to extend that sentiment into your twenties, because although everyone’s are vastly different, they’re also never easy. The conversations you have in a bathroom can make you feel a lot less alone.
Everyone I spoke to said they feel inspired to uplift strangers when they are in the bathroom. Sometimes this includes a crisis management ritual, or in other words, an act of kindness. A few examples include: letting people skip in line to make it to the stalls, fixing each other’s hair, cleaning a stain or sharing a tide pen and making sure someone gets a ride home. When asked if there is ever an expectation for something in return when offering help, words of encouragement or an item, the girls unanimously said no. “Nothing at all, girls have each other’s back.”
Let’s be real, it’s also a space to ourselves without men! The girls I spoke to explained how the girls’ bathroom is like a “secret club” where authenticity shines because we aren’t under the male gaze.
“Having the support of other women is so important and it’s easier to get that from all-women's spaces.”
On the off chance you do enter the girls’ bathroom alone, you can exit with a whole new posse. Some girls have had spontaneous friendships bloom that they still think about. I can confidently say that on a night out, a trip to the bathroom is almost as exciting as a new pair of shoes. Walking into the bathroom with a group could mean many things: gaining new followers on socials, receiving good advice or adding “art” to the walls. But based on my recent fieldwork, ultimately, your experience comes down to three categories: 1) Refresh 2) Chisme (gossip) 3) Escape Plan.
It’s a pause button on the school day or night out to:
Refresh:
Retouch makeup/outfit
Take a breather/seek refuge (to cry, yell, etc.)
Be consoled
Have a much needed intervention
Chisme:
Yes, we’re talking about you.
Escape plan:
“This place blows. Where to next?”
As you age, you will enter a girls’ bathroom for different reasons.
In elementary school it might’ve been out of boredom. In middle school it might’ve been a handwritten note saying “Meet me in the bathroom.” In high school the girls’ bathroom served as a place to socialize or hide. My sources say that their bathroom experiences have evolved with them.
“College exposed me to a much wider range of people from different backgrounds and cultures than I had encountered before. This diversity taught me a great deal about experiences different from my own and reduced the pressure I had previously felt to fit into a particular box.”
As an adult (yuck), the magic is passed down and upheld by the infectious energy. It’s not just a biological utility room, but a sacred space free from the judgments and other external pressures of the outside world. Yes, we are all united by nature’s calling, but there is so much more to the girls’ bathroom beyond the stall. It’s girlhood and femininity rolled into one. Once you enter, you don’t leave the same.
Since childhood, boys have witnessed the clown-car effect of girls spilling out of the bathroom, giggling. Their curiosity hasn’t faded. “What were they doing in there?”
Let’s keep them guessing.
Mia is a third-year Media Production Management and Technology student who is eagerly awaiting her next bagel, egg and cheese sandwich and revels in an excruciatingly hot yoga class.
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